With Love From A Grandma With A Blog

Haha, no, of course I’m not a grandma. But when it comes to caricatures of knitters, the “knitting granny,” with or without blog, is right up there at the top. And while I’m no more of a business bro than I am a granny, I do know a little about the knitting world.

Recently two guys announced that they were embarking upon a business venture in the knitting industry. (I’m purposely avoiding their names, links and “brand” to avoid giving them the traffic. Please do NOT include this info if you choose to comment.) These fellas are young whippersnappers and it just so happens they don’t knit — although they say they’ve started to learn within the past month. They spent $80K to buy a URL and they are going to show us how easy it is to make buckets of money off knitters. They’ve told us about their intense market research (going to a big-box craft store) and opined about how knitters (I can’t make this stuff up) don’t want to see Asian models in videos. They frequently mention that they are straight (ick).

I’ve written about the knitting industry for a good long while and I’ve been a part of it for a good long while, too. It’s tough to make grand pronouncements about the knitting world because it is segmented and it is supremely interconnected at the same time. It’s a handcraft that has been done for thousands of years and at the same time a community that has become exquisitely “modernized” by the internet and e-commerce. You’ll find as many different kinds of knitters as there are types of yarn (which is way more than you’ll find in a big-box store, my dudes). There are, however, a few general observations I can make about the industry with complete and utter certainty.

1. Knitters passionately love their craft and nothing pisses them off more than nonknitters who condescend or trivialize it. There is something almost sacred to knitters about their sticks and string, about the community it creates, about the way it connects us to the past, and the bridges it builds between people of vastly different backgrounds.
2. Knitters have good bullshit detectors. We know when you’re being insincere. We know when you don’t care about the craft but think you’re just so clever that you can make tons of money off us. We do not like this.
3. The emotional aspect and segmentation of the industry make knitters behave in ways that your little b-school powerpoints can’t account for. They will wait in line for hours to get a skein of yarn that objectively speaking may not look that different to an outsider than five other skeins of yarn. They will support virtual strangers, personally or via their business, because they recognize another person with a knitter’s true soul. If they think you’re a jerk, they won’t want to do business with you.
4. Knitters don’t like carpetbaggers. They want to support hometown dyers and local yarn shops. They want to know the name of the sheep who grew the wool they’re using. They want to feel like they know the person who designs the sweater pattern they’re making. They view with suspicion the increasing homogenization of the industry. They want real content, not paraphrased crap harvested from the hard work of others.
5. Knitters hate stereotypes. We hate being viewed as little old ladies with nothing in our heads but what color tea cozy to knit next. We are lawyers and doctors and engineers and professors, as well as parents, sons and daughters, grandparents, and friends. We are as passionate about politics, social injustice, world events and other Big Issues as we are about wool and needles. We are gay and straight, trans and bi, we are all colors and religions and we like it that way. We like knitting with the purest of qiviut (that’s an Alaskan musk ox, hon) and we like knitting with acrylic. And we like models of all colors, shapes, and backgrounds, you racist fucks.

I hope you don’t mind a few unsolicited observations from a middle-aged lady with a blog. If you want more, my consulting rate is $150 per hour plus expenses.